Exhibit A: Gordon, turned purple as a squashed summer blackberry in the sun

Exhibit B: The Hole

On a faraway beach, in a faraway land where the sands sing to the weary traveler, was a huge hole. Deep, wide and wet, its volume was a phenomenon in a plain of ridges and dunes. Despite the closeness of the ocean, no tide has ever filled it, though the bottom is rumored to hold a mysteriously salty reservoir. Futile attempts were made to make it into a lake, a placid thing of beauty for pleasure barges like those Caligula built on the shores of Lake Nemi. Whoever those fools were, the only result was an abandoned canal stretching only partway into towards the sea. What was once a deep, ambitious mouth cut sharply into the sliding walls almost to the bottom of the pit, is now overrun by oozing sand, the whole affair most dissipated in its heedless dilapidation. A laughable testament to the impossibility of the task and the naiveté of its creators.

On the edge of this monstrous chasm perched a castle of sand, with dribbled towers sculpted like melted wax, all completely encircled by crumbling but formidable walls. There are only two entrances to this wall, one in the North and the other in the South. For the weary traveler, lost on sun-baked sands too hot to touch, this was no welcoming haven, its shadows too ominous to even tempt with its respite to the heat.

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Romanticism aside, Sauza dug a humongous hole (it was really deep!) next to his sand castle, complete with wet sand-dribbled towers looking for all the world like melted wax. And sat in it. We tried covering him with a towel and debated whether we should put a frisbee in the middle and trick Bobby into coming over and have Dan leap out (or so the theory went). Finally we decided a random frisbee in the middle of a towel was too suspicious — particularly since the towel kinda sagged in the middle, and you can see quite clearly that SOMETHING was wiggling around under it. In fact, that was might have even been more freaky.

I found it quite comfortable, cool and the view rather romantic. With the afternoon sun slanting from the West and your head a few feet below the sand, the sand spires seemed to tower into the light, ominous spires outlines by a blinding glow. What could only ruin the experience was the ring of people standing around, giving one the feeling as if one was about to be buried alive in some barbaric burial ritual.

It is too much of a pity to let such a good hole go to waste, so we threw Sauza in and buried him up to his neck. (Actually it wasn’t so dramatic: I said “we should bury you”, and he said “OK”) The trouble came when we tried to dig him out. He had crossed his legs and wouldn’t budge. When we attempted to pull him, we almost got pulled in ourselves. The less compassionate of us were tempted to give him a straw and leave him there, which caused him some alarm. Fortunately, the more ethical decided to dig some more and finally, with an Olympic heave, Sauza from born once again from the sands. Although this would be the first a deity emerged into the world in swimming trunks.

Exhibit C: Vijay’s furry back — think exotic sea animal, in all the wrong ways. He even slings sand balls (Spiderman 2, anybody?).

Exhibit D: “Gordo” the built Mermaid, complete with uni-boob and an admittedly fetching tail

Exhibit E: Sand woman giving birth to a very pregnant Christin Chin. So Athena was born fully grown and armored form Zeus’s head, Aphrodite from sea foam, the Monkey King from a rock and Christ from a married virgin. But this, surely this, is something we haven’t heard of yet in mythology.

Exhibit F: For something a bit more tasteful, although more mundane (or NORMAL for god sakes), and a truly exquisite experience for the taste buds –

Fruity, rich, deliciously cold scoop of dripping chocolate raspberry ice cream.

Sweet.